Its Storytime again!!!!!

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techno1029
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Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby techno1029 » 5 years ago

Okay, here is another tale from my very chaotic life!!!! :biggrin2: Anyone who is easily offended by talk of men’s baby making equipment should maybe not read any further??? :stop:
This happened many years ago not long after my eldest son was born. After my wife ( the enemy) had been 9 months carrying our little bundle of joy I decided to take her away to London for a nice weekend sightseeing ( and getting drunk!!!!). :P: We left my son with family and set off for some fun in the Capital.
First night was nice, did a bit of shopping then a nice meal all was good. :nav_yes:
The next night we hit the town early and had a few orange juices!!!!. :pokerface: .We returned to the hotel early in the morning a little drunk….the orange juice in London seems to taste of Vodka for some reason!!!!! :whistle:
All the sugar in the orange juice must have had an affect on us which made us feel very energetic so we decided to have a little game of ‘Doctors and Nurses’… :nav_kiss: .whilst we were getting to know each other something did not feel right with my ‘Little boys Toy’!!!! :eeeek:
I switched on the light to be met with a sight of my little toy covered in blood!!!!!!! :eeeek: :eeeek:
I know what you are all thinking…..maybe this was not the best time of the month to be playing Doctors and Nurses????? :ashamed: This is exactly what I told my wife…..she then told me it was nothing to do with her. I ran to the toilet to find I had broken my ‘Little Boys Toy’……HOLY SHITE!!!!!!...
Do you know when you peel a banana???? The end of my toy looked a little like this!!!
After about 10 minutes of shouting, :o swearing, :evil: me crying :crying: and a full roll of toilet paper I managed to get my toy to stop bleeding…….
Over the next few weeks I had a few problems especially if I took a shower…FOOKIN OUCH!!!!!! :S:
I then decided I would have to go see my doctor. My family doctor has known me since I was a baby. His father assisted in delivering me as I was born at my mothers house….non of this hospital stuff!!!!! :stop:
I told him my problem and he asked me drop my pants and lay on bed in the treatment room… :?????: ..he soon followed with his rubber gloves on to inspect my ‘baby maker’. :ashamed:
He was impressed!!!!! I could tell by the way he said “ mmmmmmmmm that looks painful” :nav_sad:
He then told me I had a problem called Phimosis!!!!!! I started crying again thinking goodbye baby maker!!!!!!!!!!! :crying:
He then told me it was the best case of Phimosis he had ever seen!!!!! This made me happier. :biggrin2:
The then asked if he could take some photos of my “poorly pecker”!!!!!
I nearly punched him……”WHAT!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! :eeeek: :eeeek:
He then told me he does work at the local Medical Training school and would like the photos to show some of his students……… :yes:
I did not know really what to think of this but then thought….” Hey WTF… I will have a famous Pecker!!!!! So agreed to him taking some photos. :nav_yes:
He went into his office and came back with a camera….I said “shall I smile while you take photo????” :smile2: He just looked at me confused…I was only joking but he did not have a sense of humour!!!! :rolleye22:
He asked me to hold ‘My little Toy’ upright so he could get photos all around it….this I did….. :cool2:
He then began messing with camera as it was not working…..He said “wait here…I have another camera in my car”…….
So…there was I laid on a bed holding my little toy… :wink2: …..I had try sooooo hard to think boring thoughts…..the last thing I needed was for him to return and my Toy Soldier was Stood To Attention!!!!!!!!!!!!! :ashamed:
He returned and took many photos….I had to point my pecker in all different directions!!! It was quite Bizarre ….
He then gave me the good news that I would have to have a small operation to remove my damaged ‘Banana Skin’……( Circumcision)…….Ahhhhh that will be fun!!!! :o

A few weeks later I attended local hospital for the ‘peeling of my banana’…..I got undressed and put on a gown jumped on the bed…..Nurse asked a few questions…..stuck me with a needle and that was it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I awoke an hour or so later on a different bed still wearing the gown….my wife was in the room….looking white as sheet!!!!!!....she said “ I had a look while you were asleep”…she is a pervert by the way…….I said “why whats up”…she said “ nothing, have a look”…..so I lifted gown to see the biggest bandage on my little toy!!!!!! I thought WTF is that….. :eeeek:
Soon a nurse came and said as soon as I felt better I could get dressed then see them before I left….. I had been wise and wore baggy jogging pants to ease the stress on my little soldier…..I am not stupid you know… :nerd: .
I saw the nurse before I left…she said “ keep bandage on for rest of day then remove it before bedtime, then first thing in the morning get a salty bath”
My wife drove me home and I lay on settee for rest of the day…as each hour went the pain in my little toy got a little worse as the anesthetic wore off!!!!!!! :S:
By bedtime I was throwing painkillers down my neck as fast as I could…..It was time for the great unveiling!!!!!!!!!! I asked my wife to help….she was not happy with this…..she does not like the sight of blood or anything like this!!!!!!
My wife took the tape of the bandage then said “ I Feel Faint!!!!!! I cant do it”…….. :rolleye22:
Ahhhhhh Bollox…..its down to me then I carefully peeled it off…there was blood and it was stuck to my wiener….it was a massive job :cool2: but finally got the bandage off…..I was sweating like a vicar in a brothel…… :whip: ……….BUT there it was….my little soldier had turned into a Fookin Beetroot!!!!!!!!!!! :eeeek: It was just a red swollen mess!!!!!!! :mad2:
Luckily I am tough and did not cry again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cool2:

A few months later all was good with my ‘little friend’….even though he has lost his hat…it still works as good as it ever did!!!!!!!!!!!!! :nav_yes:

My advice is….dont go to London and drink Orange Juice….unless you have already had your banana peeled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :stop:
:LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:
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Foghorn
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby Foghorn » 5 years ago

Good good really good , only next time dont be shy with smilies mate . If you want to use them do it. :P:
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whitelightning
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby whitelightning » 5 years ago

OMG , this is a very scary story steve!!! It must have hurt like hell :NO: :NO:
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techno1029
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby techno1029 » 5 years ago

whitelightning wrote:OMG , this is a very scary story steve!!! It must have hurt like hell :NO: :NO:


Hahah yeah at the time it was a little scary.....BUT not as scary as now.....I typed this on my works PC and its autosaved....but its autosaves on one of our many servers....this server has many shared folders and I cannot find which folder it has saved in :eeeek: :eeeek: :biggrin2: :biggrin2: ...all I need is for some fooker to come across this at work...hahahahaha... :woohoo: ....I never named it so its just doc1...there are ferkin loads of Doc1 in folders :eeeek: :LMAO: :LMAO:
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Deady
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby Deady » 5 years ago

Holy focking shite!!! My own little soldier actually did hurt while reading this !!!!

Anyways, good to know yours's back in action though :woohoo:
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whitelightning
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby whitelightning » 5 years ago

techno1029 wrote:
whitelightning wrote:OMG , this is a very scary story steve!!! It must have hurt like hell :NO: :NO:


Hahah yeah at the time it was a little scary.....BUT not as scary as now.....I typed this on my works PC and its autosaved....but its autosaves on one of our many servers....this server has many shared folders and I cannot find which folder it has saved in :eeeek: :eeeek: :biggrin2: :biggrin2: ...all I need is for some fooker to come across this at work...hahahahaha... :woohoo: ....I never named it so its just doc1...there are ferkin loads of Doc1 in folders :eeeek: :LMAO: :LMAO:



Ah nice story to go with employee of the month award :LMAO: :LMAO:
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techno1029
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby techno1029 » 5 years ago

Foghorn wrote:Good good really good , only next time dont be shy with smilies mate . If you want to use them do it. :P:


It all adds to the drama Spam king!!! :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :biggrin2: :biggrin2: :biggrin2: :biggrin2: :biggrin2:
Hahhaha


File found and deleted!!! :biggrin2:
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marios7
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby marios7 » 5 years ago

techno1029 wrote:...to inspect my ‘baby maker’. :ashamed:
He was impressed!!!!!
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Jeffy
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby Jeffy » 5 years ago

That's hilarious Steve...and sounds like my vasectomy story
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techno1029
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Re: Its Storytime again!!!!!

Postby techno1029 » 5 years ago

Jeffy wrote:That's hilarious Steve...and sounds like my vasectomy story


Haha I had one of those too Jeffy....my poor soldier and his rucksack has been through some very hard wars!!!! :woohoo:
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